A lot of problems come down to misunderstood personality differences between ourselves and our partners.
Relationships can be hard
Everyone who’s in a relationship knows what I mean when I say love can be as exhausting as it is rewarding. Surprisingly heated discussions over who picks the movie, disagreements over how to wash the dishes, hurt feelings over a miscommunication about what time you needed to leave for dinner, stress from knowing the other person is upset with you but not really understanding why－these are just a few of the everyday issues that can come up in a relationship.
People are complex, deep, and dynamic. Emotionally-charged, romantic relationships tend to be naturally complicated because of the distinct preferences and tendencies of two, unique individuals. These preferences and tendencies are rooted in each person’s personality, which is constantly growing and evolving.
There are a few common issues at the core of many relationship troubles:
Difficulty communicating in a way that makes sense to the other person
Conflict is viewed and dealt with in different ways
Tensions from unresolved, undiscussed issues
Ultimately, a lot of problems come down to misunderstood personality differences between ourselves and our partners. In order to combat stress caused by these differences, it’s important to make an effort to communicate with each other in an empathetic, understanding way.
By working to learn more about your personality, your partner’s personality, and how you should best communicate with one another, you will help avoid unnecessary stress, anger, or hurt that so often plagues many relationships.
At Crystal, we understand how complicated people can be, so we’ve created a few specific tools to help us understand how others think, act, and communicate. Our innovative Personality AI technology can quickly assess your partner’s personality, provide insight into their unique traits, and offer advice on how to ideally communicate with them, which will help you navigate difficult conversations with them.
We use a framework called DISC to better understand individual personalities. This classifies personalities into a few categories that we refer to as D (dominance), I (influence), S (steadiness), and C (conscientiousness). By categorizing personalities in this way, we can learn how to communicate with others in a way that helps them understand and relate to us. For example, someone who is a supportive, people-oriented S-type is unlikely to appreciate a logical, fact-based discussion. They may become bored or frustrated, missing the point of the conversation entirely. On the other hand, if they were an analytical, questioning C-type, they would probably appreciate a discussion that focuses on specific, concrete facts and avoids involving much emotion. To read more about DISC types, visit our Personality Hub.
Understand your partner’s personality
It can be hard to understand how another person thinks. Even if we are in a close relationship with them and have known them for a long time, we often fail to understand why they think, act, or react the way they do. When we have our own way of processing the world, it’s difficult to truly understand another way of seeing it all. Learning about your partner’s personality, how they think, work, and feel, can help ease the stress and misunderstanding that often occurs in intimate relationships.
While this may not seem like the most romantic date idea, I’d genuinely suggest that you each take the free personality assessment on Crystal’s website. It only takes about 5 minutes and it will help explain so many subtle characteristics of your partner. By using the information in the results provided by the personality test on Crystal, you can learn more about their natural tendencies, compare your results once you identify your own personality, or visit the Personality Hub to read more general overviews about their type.
Understand your own personality
Once your partner’s personality is available in Crystal, you can easily take the assessment yourself to understand your own natural strengths, growth areas, and preferences. By spending time becoming more self-aware, you’ll become more empathetic to issues your partner may raise. For example, if you are a direct, assertive D-type and your partner shares that they often feel hurt when you make all of the decisions without consulting them, by understanding your own personality, you are more likely to accept that this might be an overstep on your part and then make a change toward including your partner in the decision-making process. If you remain unaware of your own personality traits, it may be harder to accept responsibility for your actions or understand why you might be making them feel a certain way.
Compare your personalities
After taking the time to understand yourself, you can also compare your results with your partner’s and see how your personalities mesh together. By viewing your partner’s personality insights, you can read more about the potential issues you may experience in the different areas of your relationship. Some areas may be more problematic than others.
For example, if you’re an I-type and your partner is a C-type, you might be more inclined to spend time out-and-about, in larger crowds, while your partner might prefer to spend free time at home. This difference in innate preference might be frustrating at times and can lead to conflict, especially if you both misunderstand the needs of the other.
Conflict in emotionally vulnerable relationships can be stressful and draining. Because different personalities tend to process conflict differently, effectively discussing issues can be challenging and complex.
For example, if you’re an S-type and your partner is a D-type, you may tend to avoid confronting issues, while your partner may be overly concerned with directly sharing their perspective every time they disagree. This can lead to you storing anger or pain that might otherwise go undiscussed. By recognizing and understanding your differences, you might be more inclined to share your perspective and your partner may take the opportunity to learn when to keep some of their opinions to themselves.
Once you make an effort to understand more about each other’s communication styles, it’s important that you each implement a few changes to communicate more empathetically and considerately with one another. For the S-type in our example above, these changes may include:
Being more direct when sharing your perspective
Recognizing that your partner most likely has good intentions
Making verbal requests that your partner communicate differently
For the D-type, changes might include:
Softening your approach to disagreements
Intentionally choosing more gentle words in discussions
Taking the time to thoroughly think through responses
No matter what your personality types, you are likely to experience conflict with your partner. By making an effort to know what issues to expect and how to effectively talk through them, you can avoid a lot of unnecessary pain and stress.
Avoid useless stress
Relationships require a lot of hard work. While there’s no magic formula for the perfect relationship, there are simple ways to better understand one another and improve your communication. By making an effort to learn more about your personality, your partner’s personality, and how best to communicate, you can help avoid unnecessary, messy, stressful interactions in your relationship.
Want to learn about your personality and what comes naturally to you?